I’ll just say right outta the gate that I’m not clear at all about how this will look. I know that this month is a challenging one for me, and so I decided to make a project of it. Of me.
Intention: To be deliberate about seeking wholeness in my mind, my spirit (as in my spirituality/faith), my emotions, my physical body, my connection to others, my house ….. all aspects of my life.
I have made the commitment to (try to) be off of social media for this time and see where that leads. I do hate missing out on certain things, but it already feels like a relief of sorts to know I can just stay away for a bit. The story I’m telling myself is that I will be able to binge on people’s pictures and posts on October 1st, that there are other ways of keeping current on news and events and friends, and that social media – as much as I do love it – adds an element of stress and tension and struggle to my life that I can afford a break from. We’ll see how this goes.
I felt like I would be setting myself up to fail if I set out with a definitive plan and schedule for this month. This is my experience, anyway. So, instead, I made a list of the different aspects of my life and things I’m currently aware of that could be useful practices and/or goals. I need the freedom to move in and out of things that work and don’t work for me on this quest, so I’m walking into the month trying to stay fluid.
For my spirit, seeking wholeness looks first and foremost about just having it out with God. I’ve been tripping over something, and I need to just go there. It’s time. That step will, I’m sure, reveal others.
For my mind, emotions, etc., seeking wholeness looks something like upping my gratitude game even more, practicing mindfulness more consistently and for longer periods of time, doing my best to process things in real time as much as possible (instead of ruminating, or letting things stew and multiply) – probably by upping my journaling game, spending a few minutes at the beginning and the end of every day with certain positive affirmations and scriptures that resonate for me about who and whose I am ……
I shared in an earlier post that physical exercise is a challenge due to chronic pain, but I aim to find a way to move a little more in an effort to appreciate what my body can do. I’m not sure what this will mean, beyond making a point each day to spend time moving, and preferably in a way that feels like love and not punishment.
I have index cards with words on them, and am in the process of making notes on the other side about how I see myself/hope to work on each thing. I want to be deliberate about learning each day – growing my intelligence and healing my brain – and so my “Learning” card has things on it like the daily crossword (I do this most days, but I want it to be every day, and some harder puzzles sometimes), increased amounts/more consistent reading, etc. Other cards say things like “Healing,” “Creating,” “Music,” “Clearing” …… their notes say things like “grieving,” and “listen to and make more music,” and “declutter – 15 minutes at a day/one room at a time.”
What would it be like to spend thirty days being intentional about being whole in my thinking? Interrupting destructive and unhelpful thoughts and fixed mindset, and rerouting my thoughts to productive, helpful thoughts and a growth mindset?
What would it like to spend thirty days being intentional about being whole in my emotions? Recognizing, owning, and expressing them instead of ignoring, hiding and suppressing them?
What would it look like to find a way that I can move more without having more pain? To enjoy moving, and feeling the power of/gratitude for what this body can still do?
What would it look like to be in constant and HONEST communication with God? To constantly be thanking God for the good things, dialoguing about and releasing the bad things, seeking, listening, surrendering ….. trusting ……. (therein lies the rub, but, that’s the point of these 30 days of intention)
I don’t want to make any proclamations about what I’m going to do every day for the next thirty days, other than to say that I am setting out with great deliberation. I’m not going to say I’ll blog a little bit about it each day, because I just don’t know – but I know I will try to share what I’m learning along the way. I don’t want to say things like “For thirty days, I’m going to stick entirely to whole foods” (haha, nope) and “I’m going to walk two miles every day” (I can tell you right now that will not happen) and “I’m going to paint or take a picture every day,” etc. I do desire to do, every day, things in every category that are moving towards wholeness. That much I can commit to – to trying, anyway. And I’m not sharing this with you as a “Dear Diary” exercise, or because I think my life is interesting. I assure you, it’s not that interesting! I’m sharing for the sake of transparency as promised in the beginning of my blogging venture, and because reading about people’s journeys and their discoveries along the way has been such a help for me and I wish to help others.
I’m actually kind of nervous (read: scared) about what these days are going to reveal to me about myself, but I’m also grateful for the opportunity to learn, change, and grow. It’s gotten quite cramped in here.
Stay tuned ………