I've spent most of my life trying to outrun a core belief that I am not lovable. Worthless. An incident in second grade did not help that any. We had a substitute teacher that day. Part of my safety in life was in reading a room and figuring out how to act in response, and … Continue reading Come Out of That Trash Can
On the first day of this new year, I returned to a really crappy and painful portion of my roots. I grew up in the metro DC area, and last Tuesday I drove back there. Sometimes, like an arrow, you have to be pulled back to go forward. I drove by all three schools I … Continue reading Don’t Give Up, Open Up
I struggle so much with the judgments of a few, and I really do hate this about myself. My frustration would be better assigned to the ones who judge, instead of at myself for struggling with it, but I'm still trying to learn my way out of Everything Is Always My Fault and/or Responsibility. It's … Continue reading Confession
I read something recently that was written as a guideline for a meeting. At first, it felt rather restrictive and I felt intimidated by it, and afraid to share input if I would happen to have any. But then I went back over the guidelines and could really appreciate that they were written to keep … Continue reading Are You A Supportive Listener?
Practicing wholeness amidst your actual reality is a very different animal than practicing it when on vacation away from reality. There's been little practice and little wholeness in the days since I've been home. Survival mode, mindless eating, severe tension headache a la TMJ, bad dreams, avoidance, panic at Home Depot on aforementioned paint errand, … Continue reading Thirty Days of Practicing Wholeness: Day 11
Day 6. I went down to the water's edge first thing this morning. The beach was delightfully void of people, and the water was begging me to go deeper with its warmth and persistent, rhythmic persuasion. Come. I have to return home for good later today, and dread is knocking at the floorboards of my … Continue reading Practicing Wholeness by the Sea
1.) I've realized quickly that I need to focus on a goal of progress, not perfection. As soon as I start getting perfectionistic about it, the wholeness piece actually goes out the window. It becomes, then, about ticking boxes instead of Being. 2.) A single worry tends to explode into the confetti of a thousand … Continue reading Thirty Days of Practicing Wholeness: Day Five Observations
Day One I'll just say right outta the gate that I'm not clear at all about how this will look. I know that this month is a challenging one for me, and so I decided to make a project of it. Of me. Intention: To be deliberate about seeking wholeness in my mind, my spirit … Continue reading Thirty Days of Practicing Wholeness
I was using the restroom at Wawa the other day (Wawa is God's gift to convenience stores), and someone came into the stall next to me. She was talking on the phone, which is always a little bit of a marvel to me - people talking on the phone while using the bathroom, and, to … Continue reading Well, That Was Embarrassing ….
I carry extra pounds. And I wish those pounds could talk, because they have a story to tell, and important things to teach. If these pounds could talk, they would tell you that I started learning to love myself at my highest weight, not my lowest. I did not feel better about myself with less … Continue reading If These Pounds Could Talk